Stage Six: The Active Spy Career Stage
Resigned to trying to survive his messy existence, occasionally punctuated by moments of excitement, challenge, and attempts at professionalism in the conduct of his “moonlighting job,” the insider spy tries to just get on with it.
Savoring to some degree his delicious secret life, at times feeling superior for it, he is mostly on the road to a life of dreary drudgery.
Not only must he fulfill the requirements of his “day job,” now he must also add on the rigors of his insider spy “moonlighting job.”
And the insider spy must daily put up with the mental condition that all humans most dread: uncertainty.
He never knows if and when he may be caught.
He must always look over his shoulder and can never rest easy.
He comes to realize that no matter how well he perfects his tradecraft, his ultimate survival depends more on luck than on skill.
He cannot avoid thinking about how other insider spies were blown.
Almost always it was because someone from “the other side,” the side he secretly works for, decided to cross over to “our side”—with the damning information that disclosed the identities of the insider spies.
He comes to understand that there is really no protection from this eventuality. It’s like a time bomb forever ticking in his ears.
Thus, life becomes an endless nervous wait for the other shoe to drop.
This grinding uncertainty is ceaseless and remorseless.
Many a criminal subconsciously chooses to get caught, just to get it over with.
So much for the glamour of the life of an insider spy.